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智慧留学—福利来了!美国留学中介智慧留学的老师教你写好美国留学的托福和雅思作文2
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近期智慧留学不少签约学生还在紧锣密鼓备考托福,雅思之中,中国考生普遍阅读能力强,写作能力难以有效迅速提高。美国不少大学的专业对写作单项小分有一定要求,特别是经济,传媒,商业管理,其他人文社科。很多同学在冲击托福  100,雅思7.5的过程中,写作严重拖后腿。语言是一个方面,另外是思路打不开,不知道写什么。 

智慧留学的文书团队老师都有丰富美英留学与工作经验,有的老师之前还教过GRE SATGMAT,托福,雅思等高难度写作课程,在写作教学过程中大量应用原汁原味的表达方式与地道的词汇句式,帮助大量学生申请到名校。这与他们多年的阅读写作基本功积累分不开,在教学与写作任务之外,这些名师大量阅读如经济学人,纽约时报,基督教科学箴言报,时代周刊,华尔街日报之类的英美报刊, 所以才能积累出深厚写作功底。 

这是一道雅思写作真题,大家先看一下。面对这种问题, 很多同学表示难以打开思路, 今天教大家一个秘诀, 叫拆分法。 面对一个复杂的问题, 将其一分为二。 某些情况下, 如果是重罪,应该关进监狱改造, 另一些情况, 比如是轻微罪,可以居家禁闭, 或者进行社区服务。 另外讲清楚这两种情况各自有什么好处与坏处。从抽象到具体, 永远是应试写作的指导思想。

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

下面这篇文章就是智慧留学的一位老师在教学过程中与学生在半小时内同步在电脑中敲出来的。学生写作水平只要达到这个水准的70%就足以在托福,雅思考试中获得好成绩。多模仿范文,多熟悉里面的词汇用法,句式,论证模块,上考场就能下笔如有神。美国教授说过,Successful imitation is the first step for effective innovation. 成功的模仿,是有效的创新的第一步。

 下面看文章, 一共508个单词。 典型的总总结构。保证结构完整性,不断点题, 从而紧扣题目关键词, 保证不跑题。 这是在有限时间内写作保证高分的原则。

Lawbreakers, or perpetrators of crimes and misdemeanors to pose threats to the safety of our society, have long been a persisting headache for contemporary governmental and legal administration. Confinement in prison or jail has been traditionally considered as a useful approach to solve this issue. Nevertheless/nonetheless/however, this solution is highly controversial in nature, since it also brings up a plenty of side effects. Therefore/consequently, a comprehensive case-by-case analysis is highly desirable to handle this social dilemma.

(点评,斜线隔开的词汇可以互换, 增加大家写作的多样性, 丰富性。 很多同学不会用英文说“具体情况具体分析”, 这里教给大家, case-by-case analysis 另外, 我们将犯罪crime, 可以用二分法分为 felony重罪, misdemeanor轻罪两种, 分别讨论。 前者关监狱, 后者采取替代措施。)

First and foremost, it has been a very effective means to confine dangerous criminals who have committed severe felonies such as murder, arson, terror attack, drug trafficking or mass shooting. Since these criminals have little mercy for life, little respect for security of community and societal order, their confinement into highly secured prison will isolate them from innocent public and prevent them to commit similar felonies again to harm people. However, due to the lack of governmental budget and deterioration of prison facilities, these prisoners are confined in a crowded and high density environment, with insufficient corrective measures and personnel to help them redefine their life philosophy and attitude toward others. Consequently, gang member fights, drug dealing, violent incidents, even riots may occur occasionally. We can witness these on news channel throughout the world. For what is even worse, many prisoners who have merely committed misdemeanors or minor crimes have been confined together with felony perpetrators, and subsequently prison has become a hotbed or best university to enable criminal skills and intentions to proliferate quickly. In short, the government and legal enforcement agencies should possess a cautious attitude toward simply putting all prisoners into prison without distinction.

Admittedly, other options could also be applicable. Modern society has evolved a variety of other approaches to penalize/punish people who have only committed minor crimes. Such crimes might not pose a serious threat to public safety if the perpetrators do not hold an intentionally harmful motive. For instance, Driving Under Alcoholic Influence without serious collisions, minor personal assault or larceny committed by teenagers, do not necessarily constitute big threats to our community. Therefore, other options, including forced social or community service, weekly report to police station or electronic smart devices can be applied. After perpetrators wear such devices, signals will send to police if they choose to leave their house/residence. Such alternatives will effectively isolate them from felony perpetrators in prison so that they will not be negatively/adversely influenced by them. On the other hand, confinement at home or forced community service will enable them to realize their wrongdoings and become educated to rectify their behaviors. Moreover, it will save governmental spending in correction facilities and relieve the high density situation in current prisons.

In conclusion, there are indeed other alternatives to rectify lawbreakers’ behaviors if their wrongdoings are minor and less severe, in nature. Whether these lawbreakers should be confined into prison is a complicated issue and should be determined on a case-by-case basis. If their crimes are minor, it is highly recommended that simple confinement into prison can be avoided and other effective approaches could be adopted.

点评, 此文是教过GRE写作的美国海归老师来降维打击雅思写作, 所以充满浓浓的GRE文风, 难度超过一般托福雅思写作满分要求。在写作的时候, 由于题目是高度复杂性观点, 所以可以是对照性的观点, 两边都照顾到。 在考官眼里, 是更加成熟缜密的思维, 更有希望得高分。

很多学生觉得学习这样范文对提高词汇, 阅读也有帮助, 这是智慧留学文书团队有信心给大家拔高, 低分高录的底气所在。如果你有有兴趣让智慧留学老师来帮你提高文书, 应试能力, 请在后台联系我们工作人员。  

 

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